The beginning.

I've been down this path many times before - trying to get thin. I've always done well for a short while, and then I get bored or something happens and I don't care that much anymore. Well, each time I attempt to shed some pounds, I gain more than I lost. I'm currently sitting at 293 pounds on my 5 foot 8 inch frame. I come from a family of obese & overweight people, well on my mom's side anyway. My dad is a twig and so is my older half-sister. My younger sister lost a lot of weight a couple years ago but did it in a very bad way and has since gained about half of it back.

I've always been a fat girl. I've always been the girl teased by the other girls and boys for as long as I can remember. Looking back at pictures of those days, I don't understand how I thought that. Sure I was overweight but I wasn't fat. It just goes to show you what peer pressure can do. But it wasn't just fellow peers, my mom told me "If you just lost some weight you would be so pretty". Wow. Thanks, Mom! What's funny about that is now she says, "You used to be pretty back then." Again, way to go! I don't want to appease her, or anyone else for that matter. However, I'm dangerously close to that 300 pound mark and I'd probably die of humility and shock if I ever hit that number.

Here's the thing: I know I can do it. I'm in college, just starting the 2nd semester of 4 for my accelerated program. In high school I just didn't care. I barely graduated, not knowing if I was going to or not until 3 days before graduation. My overall GPA was a 2.47, definitely not something to be proud of. I think I made honor roll once in high school during first semester of freshman year. Well now that I'm in college I'm on the Dean's List & have a 4.0. Granted I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I love what I'm learning & I'm paying $30,000 for this education. But regardless of the reasons for why I'm succeeding is that now I know I can.

I don't want to just lose weight to be skinny or thin. I want to lose weight so I can be healthy and not be winded walking down the hall. I want to get a good night's sleep and not have my back ache each morning. I want my clothes to fit properly and not feel so self conscious. I want to fly to my destination in a plane and not be uncomfortable sitting in the set next to my husband. I want all of this but I feel that I need to find myself along to way to be able to make it last. Hence the name: Trust.Beauty.Conquer.

Trust: I need to trust myself to be able to do this. I need to recognize that as long and I believe in myself and in what I'm doing, I will succeed.
Beauty: No matter my size, I know that I'm beautiful. However, I want to find the inner beauty as well as transform my outer beauty. I want my organs to be beautiful, not covered in fat. I don't want to think about if I have surgery what size retractor will they need and do they even make one big enough or will I have some poor shulp’s arm elbow deep in my belly so the surgeon can get a view of my fat covered intestines. I also want to develop into the person I feel I am and should be... the nice girl who doesn't take crap from anyone, the girl who always listens but doesn't lie, and the girl who loves without apology and follows through on her promises.
Conquer: I'm strong willed. I just need to trust in myself that I can conquer my physical and emotional demons to get to the place where I know I belong.

I have a goal of 159 pounds, primarily because it is 5 pounds under the BMI calculation for "normal" under my height. But along the way I have stepping stone goals. I know this isn't going to be an easy ride or a fun ride, but hey, neither is studying until I feel like my brain is going to burst either.

Here are my goals:
278 (5% of my current weight lost)
263.5 (10% of my current weight lost)
249 (Under 250!)
225 (What I weighed when I graduated high school)
205 (What I weighed when I moved half way through high school)
196 (BMI calculation of "Overweight" no longer "Obese")
180 (What I weighed in 8th grade)
170 (I don't ever remember that number)
164 (BMI calculation of "Normal")
Final goal: 159 pounds (I safe distance away from "Overweight" and 1 pound lighter than what my driver's license says.)

My current BMI is 44.5. Obese is 30.0 and above. Overweight is 25-29.9. Normal is 18.5-24.9. I have 20.3 BMI points to lose until I hit my goal of 159 pounds.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step... the same can be said for the journey of losing 134 pounds, it too begins with a single step…. in the right direction.